WHAT OTHER WOMEN WANT
by Sigrun Christianson
I am often asked, "What do women want?" I've talked and written on this
subject, both in private and in public, more than I ever wanted to or
thought I needed to. I don't assume for even one minute that I can write on
behalf of all women, everywhere, but I can and will write on behalf of
women like me. I've been accused of joyfully wallowing in female escapism
and writing what I think men want to read, but I assure you that these are
the true desires of women like me.
I'm going to attempt to tell you, no holds barred, what women like me
want from men: we want to be owned and possessed by intelligent, dynamic,
strong, and dignified men with a mission; we want to be submissive to him
and to be his pleasure, entertainment, amusement, and muse; we want to feel
safe, protected, secure; we want to be useful and needed; we need to be
able to respect you, and fear you. We are capable of thinking and acting
independently. We are educated and fierce, but we want men who are more
educated and more fierce, men who can control us.
With respect to Miss Carraway's list, here's mine:
- Ask about our concerns and opinions, and then do what you think is
right. We like to have a voice, but we don't require a vote and in most
cases, we don't want a vote. We want you to make the decision and allow
us to be your cheerleaders. Since we already know that you value us and
see us as important, feel free to compliment our breasts and backsides
often. We are happy and pleased that you find us attractive and we want
to know that you desire us.
- How we feel changes by the minute, so don't bother trying to
understand. By the time you think you've figured out what we're feeling,
chances are we aren't feeling it anymore. We are emotional and irrational
and we suspect that many of you secretly like this about us.
- Ask for our opinions, but don't be surprised if we change our
opinions from one day to the next. And then, of course, do what you will
anyway. We want you to be the leader, hero, conqueror, etc. (Notice a
pattern here?)
- Surprise us with arbitrary unilateral decisions. We like it that you
have the ability to make decisions for us. We want to be able to trust
you and your judgment, and depend on you to be strong where we are
weak.
- Give us frequent hugs, kisses, pinches, and squeezes. We need to know
that we are wanted and desired. We want to feel sexy. Deny us our erotic
nature and you deny us our nature. Go ahead and lecture us on occasion,
but only when it's really necessary and when you're in the right. We like
that you take the time to explain your thoughts to us and tell us how we
can better be the woman you want.
- Tell us how you spent your day. We like to know what you are doing
and thinking. Talk to us about your job, your politics, and your friends.
Let it out and let us comfort you and rejuvenate your spirit. However,
taking care of our home and family is our job, so don't interfere. Leave
the cleaning and decorating to us. If we ask for your opinion on a color
for the wall or pattern for the sofa, indulge us. It's such a small
request and it makes us happy. And no, we didn't sit around all day
watching TV or talking on the phone. Women like us take our jobs
seriously and take a lot of pride in giving you a nice home and in
raising good children. The house is clean, the kids are clean, and there
is food in the fridge.
- If you really dislike something about us, tell us, and tell us how
you think we can improve, but be respectful and polite about it. You owe
us honesty and courtesy. We are strong, we have a good sense of ourselves
and we don't take suggestions for improvement as criticism. We want to
improve! We will give you the same honesty and consideration because we
know that you can handle it.
- Annoying habits are just part of being human. You leave the toilet
seat up and don't put the cap back on the toothpaste. I throw my clothes
on the floor and talk while you're watching TV. Big deal. It's not the
end of the world. If these are the worst things going on in our house,
then we are blessed. We are not going to make everything into a battle
for power and control. We have no doubt that you hold the majority of the
power and we like it that way.
- Help around the house and we'll tell you that we really appreciate
all that you do for us. We know that you work hard and want to come home
and relax, so when you do something extra at home, we really do
appreciate it, even if we forget to tell you. We are also guilty of
taking things for granted.
- Let us now that you are proud of us. Sincere praise and compliments
go a long way with us and it doesn't cost you anything so don't be cheap
with them. Your praise motivates us to do more and better. Let others
know that you are proud of us and brag a bit about how well we treat you.
We brag to our friends and family about you.
- Flowers and chocolate are really great and we love to tell our
friends that you got them for us. Jewelry is also great. I think you know
that already.
Tip: You can never, ever go wrong with stud earrings, a single-stone
necklace, a tennis bracelet, or pearls. Those items are appropriate for
every possible occasion.
Don't forget the card. We really like cards with a personal
message.
We freak out when you forget our birthdays, anniversaries, and
special holidays because we think it means that you don't care. That's
just the way we are. That won't change. Use the "Hallmark Holiday"
argument all you want, but it still won't change. It's not logical,
rational, or reasonable to despair over you forgetting our birthdays,
but we do anyway. Accept this about us.
- We need to vent our frustrations sometimes and we want to do it with
you because we feel that you are our best friend and we trust you, not
because we are bitching at you. We are not bitching at you. We are not
asking you fix us, just to listen — I really can't emphasize that
enough. We know that you have stress and frustrations, too. Please tell
us about them and let us take care of you. It makes us feel needed. We
are innately maternal and want to baby the people we love. We need to
know that we can offer you some comfort and heal some of your wounds. Let
us. You don't have to be 'tough guy' with us all of the time.
- We like new appliances. Electric can-openers, the type that mount
under the cabinet freeing up counter space, are great. Heavy, cast-iron
skillets, crock-pots, and glass mixing bowls are especially useful, too.
Don't underestimate the importance of high-quality appliances and
cookware.
Some of us are completely lost when it comes to auto mechanics and
plumbing. Help us and we will help you. We're a team.
The Ideal Man should talk to us as if we were goddesses, and treat
us as if we were children. He should refuse all our serious requests, and
gratify every one of our whims. He should encourage us to have caprices,
and forbid us to have missions. He should always say much more than he
means, and always mean much more than he says. — Oscar Wilde
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